The Golden Rule » Double Standards

The following story about my experience with the Golden Rule and its double standards is really hard for me to post because unfortunately some of the details might bring out the "Broncos Defense" in people. But after experiencing a little PTSD last night at an innocent place called Cornbelly's Corn Maze (located in Lehi, UT) from something that happened two weeks ago, I realized that I need to get this off my chest! And maybe the next time you or I witness something similar, you or I will say something. Positive Change can only be reached with Awareness, Acceptance, Accountability and Action...but somebody has to say something first.

So, like I said, it was two weeks ago from last night that I was wearing the outfit in the above picture while at Cornbelly's with my family...when I quickly turned around to surprise a girl (standing directly behind me) that was holding up her phone and taking a picture of my backside!!! When I caught her, the look on her face was a classic "deer in headlights" quickly followed with an extremely awkward attempt to walk away. Believe me, if my baby wasn't just about to finally fall asleep in my arms, my conscience would not be clean right now! But the annoying side of this experience are the questions I am now left with....

First: "When did it become Ok to take a picture of someone without permission (especially when they might be recognizable)?!"  Is it just because smart phones come equipped with a mighty convenient camera?! 

Second: Naturally, I can't help but ask Why? And believe me, my husband and I both have been trying to come up with some sort of reasonable explanation as to why she felt justified in what she was doing. And after a process of elimination, we thought that maybe it was because of the fact that I was wearing spaghetti straps (I'll explain)?! or maybe my long hair needs some major attention or TLC? 

QUICK DISCLOSURE: To my close friends, close community and family, I want to be clear that I have had the pleasure of having wonderful neighbors and experiences in our neighborhood here in Utah, as well as with my Husband and In-Laws. This post is in reference to my observations of things I may have witnessed or experienced or that have been shared with me from other's experiences, or from things I have read and have been posted on Facebook. And though I am using specific cultural references, it is only to explain my point of "Do unto those as you would have done unto you."  I am absolutely not trying to attack the religion itself, please try not to take it that way. I am solely speaking of the effects of personal shame, manipulation, and insecurity in our society. I just want to make that clear, thanks!  

So, let me start by explaining that if you're familiar with the LDS / Mormon Culture of Utah County, you will understand why it's important that I point out some of the following details. And if your not, I'm CONFIDENT you will be able to relate to this regardless the details of my personal experience. So, I have heard from the mouth of LDS and NON-LDS locals of Utah that apparently, shoulders exposed when wearing a tank or spaghetti straps are called "porn shoulders"! Which makes it so easy to come to the conclusion that maybe she was taking a picture of my "porn" shoulders? 

But regardless of the ultimate conclusion and in all seriousness, this makes me not just mad...but sad, disappointed, disgusted, and left feeling slightly violated and deeply disrespected just that my picture was taken without my permission. 

Being familiar with the LDS religion myself and given that my husband was raised and is actively LDS (which I very much respect and do my best to support while also respecting my beliefs), I get that if it is because of my said 'porn shoulders', this is a cultural flaw caused by the human manipulation of a religion or their own moral compass most likely caused by their own insecurities and false interpretations. None of which justify it or make it right. In fact, it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 

But understand, People of all beliefs and so on are taking pictures of other people without their knowledge and then mocking them on Facebook or other social media site! I think it is a vastly growing epidemic of the lack of respect, the lack of kindness, and more importantly; the lack of love and respect we have not only toward each other, but for ourselves. They've all left a bad taste in my mouth. 

Another experience leading us to our logical explanation is that sadly, I myself have witnessed this same behavior of someone taking a picture of a teen girl in short shorts at a grocery store (that in my opinion weren't really that short...she was just a tall girl). The part that makes me sick about this experience is that the picture taker's three girls in the grocery cart where watching her do this. My heart broke being witness to the message those girls were receiving and even more so that I didn't say anything, which to this day perplexes me...did I not say anything out of sensitivity to that beautiful teenage girl and her Mom or was it the fact I was literally speechless from the shock of what I was witnessing? I can only hope that maybe next time I do say something...not to exchange judgement but maybe to help that person "snap out of it" so to say? 

Having lived in Utah for 8 years now and regardless of my religious affiliation, I have to admit that unfortunately, these experiences have given me a little bit of a public paranoia while out and about in Utah and even more so in Utah County, especially when wearing anything above the knee and/or that shows my shoulders. 

In any case, the culture here in Utah is just flat out baffling to me and I don't expect I'll ever fully understand it. 

In any case, I think human manipulation is quite common among other religions as well...which is why I initially say the religion is relative. And if you let it, it can start to give you a social complex and some serious trust issues. And even more unfortunate is that is comes off as extremely self righteous and hypocritical. 

Please understand that my primary point isn't that this person was LDS or to get into negatively judging the LDS religion or any religion for that matter. I say whatever helps you to spiritually progress, good for you! That is between you and your God, Deity, Higher Power, Universe or whatever It may be. My primary point is about the self serving and blatant disregard this person had for another person's feelings, that I can only imagine she justified with her manipulated core beliefs caused by personal insecurities.

I guess I would just like to say to those negative judgers and manipulators..."JUST LIKE YOU, I am just a person doing the best that I can to be good, loving and kind...while also trying to find the patience and the strength to navigate this world's difficult and sometimes extremely complicated challenges!! And just like me, you probably do not like to be negatively judged or ridiculed because of your choice of clothing (whether it's a tank or a BYU on your Jacket), or your chosen or unchosen physical appearance, skin color, sexual orientation, or physical and/or mental challenges, or because of the choice of religion we practice or do not practice. And whether or not it is something out of our control or that we might be born with, or a choice or situation that might look or be different from yourself, it works for me and my family just like hopefully it works for you and your family. No one wants to be negatively or hatefully judged or ridiculed because of anything. 

And I'm gonna guess that we've all been on and/or have witnessed both sides of this story...varying in every sort of belief, practice, opinion, location, religion, culture, race, orientation, community, workplace, difference, shape or form kind of way. I'm sorry if I have been that person...I am sorry with every cell in my body. Until we all see and comprehend this epidemic, in my opinion, I just can't help but feel that the ripple effects caused by the practice of this double standard is not only getting worse, but will only intensify in the form of hate, anger, and evil...ultimately playing a large part in keeping us from working toward our divine purpose to experience and connect with the world and others around us. 

Anyway, I'll never know the truth to the why question, and even if my conclusion is false...this type of behavior is happening. I have witnessed and have heard heartbreaking stories firsthand. But if it happens again, I'll try my hardest to not jump to a conclusion and just ask Why? And in the meantime, I can only find peace remembering the following: Negative judgement is almost always self serving and evidence of their personal insecurities. 

Always find a love...Always. 

I also want to be clear that I have nothing against the LDS religion or its members...a mean person is just a mean person regardless the details.   

And I will continue to my best to follow The Golden Rule of 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'. 

I am absolutely Not Perfect Here, but can honestly say that I try very, very hard when I can. 

Peace